How to Know if You’re an Asshole – and if so, What Kind of Asshole are you?

(Warning: this article uses the term “asshole” several times.  If you find this offensive, stop reading now.)

I saw a book called “Ass-holes” at the bookstore yesterday. It offered a philosophical examination of different kinds of assholes, grouping them into different categories according to their specific characteristics.  Although I was kinda tempted to get it I didn’t, but it did however stimulate my curiosity.  I know that there is a tendency for people to typecast but is there actually such a thing as different kinds of assholes? If you’re an asshole, you’re an asshole. Plain and simple.  But no, apparently not all assholes are the same.  Even as I’m writing this now, I’m somewhat regretting my decision to not buy the book because after all, who wouldn’t want to be equipped with the skills to be able to identify a certain asshole from a different class of assholes.  It’s a pretty practical skill to have.  (Just in case you haven’t caught my sarcasm, I’m being sarcastic right now…) If there is one thing I\ve learned from my English University courses it is to always be SPECIFIC! (Note: Personally I think it’s inappropriate to refer to people as assholes.  Every person should be regarded highly… unless they do something extra-ordinarily terrible…and worthy of the term “asshole” as determined by any “reasonable” person.)

I think that some people just have too much time on their hands.  I mean, who says to themselves, “Hey, I’m gonna sit down and write a book about assholes, providing a sophisticated theory?”  Why don’t you try writing something that matters or something that is useful in some way? Now okay, perhaps I am equally lame because I am writing a review of a book about assholes but you know what, I’ll admit that this blog is not and will probably never be scintillating in any shape or form.  It’s purely superficial and completely random, and that’s the way I want it to be.

Moving on…

I have three criteria that I use to help me choose a book to read.  As long as the book meets one of these criteria, there’s a good chance I’ll want to read it.

1. I love trash.  Always have and always will.  And by this I’m referring to those books that are pretty much just a soap opera.  No substance, no depth, and certainly not requiring any sophisticated thought process.  Just a purely guilty pleasure.  Which books fall under this category may you ask? 50 Shades of Grey.  And yes I have read it.  Did I like it? I’ll never tell.

2. Books that will make me feel smarter in a practical everyday sense.  Books that will give me knowledge that I can use in conversations to impress people. I enjoy business books.  They make me feel so corporate…so badass even.  Just kidding…sort of.  But I do hope to one day be business savvy like the authors of the business books that I read.

3. Classics.  Although 75% of the time I find them boring, it’s nice to be able to say I’ve read them.  However, thanks to the University of Toronto English department I have been thoroughly cured of any interest I use to have in classics. I have this feeling that some amazing classics only became popular because people wanted to brag about how well read and scholastic they were.  No one actually enjoys Jane Austen.  I mean come on, she’s boring as hell.  (I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but I’m just trying to be honest, and I think you should be too.)  It’s like people who say they enjoy studying.  C’mon, no one actually enjoys studying.  People do it so they can do well in school in order to eventually get the job that they want, but it’s not a fun activity by any means and I can’t see how anyone could actually enjoy it.

So there you have it.  My rant about books…all provoked by my discovery of the book of assholes by Aaron James.

Until next time,

Dance, drink, laugh, and love.

You know I will.


J. Molly

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