You Know You’re in Cali When…

I saw a pair of car-lashes today.  You may ask, what the hell is that? Well, they are long, black eyelashes that go on the front lights of a car…hence…”car-lashes.”  Not that long ago a woman went on Dragons Den and proposed this crazy idea.  Although it may seem crazy now, if someone had told a person back in the 1950’s that there would be Facebook and YouTube and fucking smartphones…they would have thought that person was crazy too. Now that doesn’t mean that I’m trying to draw similarities between smartphones and car-lashes, cause well car-lashes are obviously way more high tech… just kidding.  But don’t ‘t be too quick to judge.  Before you know it, car-lashes will be on every single car.  (Just in case you don’t catch my sarcasm…I. AM. BEING. SARCASTIC.

I do realize that car-lashes appeal to a very small market.  And apparently, this market is California.  ONLY in California would people actually buy into this absurd (but I don’t necessarily mean that in a bad way) invention.  Heck, this is the place where carpoolers put pink mustaches on their bumpers to identify themselves as the ride-sharing Lyft service.  This is the place where cafes charge $5.00 for a cup of tea…true story.

What’s next?!

A hair salon that serves champagne? Check!

Yoga and Zumba in practically every establishment? Check!  G-d forbid someone would have to walk more than a block to get to the nearest exercise facility!

Apartments that have more than one walk-in closet, which put together would be bigger than the rest of the apartment itself?  Check!

Blondes? Check. They represent like 95% of the female population.

Warm weather? Check!

Dogs? Check! I’m pretty sure there’s more dogs than people.  I saw a dog the other day taking his owner out for a walk.  It got a little awkward when he was peeing on the tree.  But what can you do when you’re on a short leash?

And last but not least, an ocean…or bay?  Check!

I fucking love this place.

So get on a jet, a plane, a flying car, a fucking rocket…I don’t really care…just come and party with me in the state where blondes unite.

Sincerely,

The Unknown.

(On account of not wanting to lose any cool points, I’m gunna keep this article anonymous.)

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