It’s Official. I’m a Sell Out.

It’s official.  I’m a sell out.  I moved to California and sold my soul here.  I am now nothing more than a cliché…a punch line that everybody knows…a stereotype that slaps us in the face…A…Okay you catch my drift. I hope.

You may ask what the heck am I referring to?  Well unfortunately I’m not going to answer that question for you.  At least not today.  It’ll have to remain a mystery…partly because I, myself, am a little hazy on the answer.

But I can tell you that I live by a set of completely arbitrary rules created by me.  I have so far, since being here, broken four of them.  Two of which I thought there would be no way in hell I would ever break.

I guess that just means that life is full of surprises.  Or that pigs really do fly.  Or that you can’t trust yourself.  Or that pure naivety is just simply blinding and stupid and short-lived.  Everyday I learn more and more about the bubble I’ve been living in my whole life.  Actually, I don’t know if I’d call it a bubble, because you can kinda see out of a bubble.  I’d call it more a brick prison cell.  Because when you’re in one of those, you’re pretty much just screwed.  The outside world is nothing but an image you jack off to in your dreams.

Along with ditching my craziest high heels since moving out to California, I have now also ditched several of my morals.  (Note: I have not ditched high heels completely…I still wear them practically everyday…I have simply given my craziest, unsafe high heels a little bit of a cooling off period…a little down time, if you will.)  And I’m alright with that for now. I think.  Either that or I’ve been sucked into a vacuum of emptiness and confusion and have manipulated myself into believing that I’m okay with that.  Guess I’ll find out eventually.

I am as they say on the West coast, just riding the waves…working hard while I chill, relax, and party in between.

Time for round two in this fucked up game of twister.  The score’s 4-0.  I’m of course at 0 and my archenemy appears to be at 4.  But that’s ok, cause I’m feeling hopeful.

I got my self-deprecating personality in one hand and my whiskey in the other… There’s no turning back now.

Here’s to being seasoned and determined, and utterly ambivalent.

Let’s drink, dance, laugh, and love.

Cause it’s all we know.


J. Molly

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