Let’s cut the bullshit. Sometimes people say one thing, and mean something completely different. That is why I have decided to compile a list of translations for all you lovely people, so that you won’t be confused by what others say.
Ready, set, go…
1. When the opposite sex asks, “do you want to come over and watch a movie? this actually means “lets take our clothes off.”
2. When someone ends a conversation by saying, “Keep in touch” this actually means, “See you in 10 years.”
3. When you ask someone to hang out and they respond, “Can I just check my schedule first and get back to you?” that means “I need more time to think of a good excuse to get out of hanging with you.”
4. When a straight guy at a bar compliments a girl’s outfit, he’s actually asking, “Your place or mine?”
5. When someone asks you “what’s up?” we expect one answer: “not much, how bout you?” Anything else just throws us off.
6. When someone says, “Whatever!” it means “you’re wrong, but I’ll let you think you’re right because I’m too lazy to spend my time convincing you of your inaccuracies.”
7. When someone says to you, “Nice try,” he or she is actually saying, “You suck, you incompetent moron…is there anything you’re not a screw-up at?”
8. When someone says, “Oh, you’re so funny…” that actually means that you’re joke didn’t make us laugh so we’ve resorted to just telling you that you’re funny because we don’t want to hurt your feelings. Or, it could mean that we just don’t know what else to say and we kind of want to end that particular subject of conversation so we use the generic “oh, you’re so funny,” to bring it to a close.
When I think of more helpful translations I will post them.
I hope this helps.
If you would like help translating any other phrases, let me know in a comment and I’ll see what I can do…but I can’t promise any miracles.